From: wayne&wayne@darlington.com
Subject: Takin' a Subway back to the ghetto tonight!!

Me and Wayne drove for two days straight and crossed the Wisconsin border
at 6pm on Saturday. The trip into Racine was a breeze. I listened to my
"ThunderCrack" boot, while Wayne was talkin' To Bobby Jean on the cell
phone. She was askin' how much she was goin' to be paid for her interview next week. Wayne told her we were journalists, and we didn't sully the news with financial considerations, but he eventually promised her a dinner at Chi Chi's and a new bowlin' ball bag. I feel it will be well worth the price!

We had a hell of a time findin' Sherry's house. She was none too cooperative
when we called her last week. Wayne sort of messed it up when he asked her
if she was the same Sherry who ran around with Frankie Valli a few years
back. I didn't even know if she was gonna agree to talk to us or whether our
trip was gonna be in vain.

The manager at the Save-a-Lot solved our problem. He told us the girl we
were lookin' for is Sherry Conway and gave us directions to her house. It
was actually a trailer park. We were still sorta' lost until we came upon the
trailer with the huge foot prints and the plastic sunflowers in the yard.

Sherry's Mom, Lucretia, seemed real nice and immediately invited us in.
She was watchin' Wheel of Fortune and busied herself makin' us some
ice tea. I tried not to stare, but Wayne couldn't take his eyes off the biggest
set of Size 14's we had ever seen! She had to walk flatfooted so she
wouldn't trip. Not only were they big, they were ugly. Wayne whispered
that it looked like she had a couple sides of beef attached to her ankles.

She explained to us that Sherry had sort of known we were on our way
out here, and she had left town for a few days to stay with her girlfriend
Myrtle, over in Bagleysville. She told us that Sherry really didn't wanna
talk about the old days in Jersey, they were real painful to her. After the
breakup with Bruce, she and Sherry had moved to Philadelphia, to be
closer to her podiatrist. Sherry went to cosmetology school, and Lucretia got a great payin' job with the Navy, pacin' off runway specs on aircraft carrier decks. When the Navy Yard shut down, her and Sherry drifted out to Wisconsin, where they opened "Sherry's School of Beauty and Proper Makeup Application". They have been doin' well, and Sherry
didn't wanna disturb the dust of bad memories. Lucretia had no fond
memories of Bruce. She also told us that her religion frowned upon
talkin' poorly of people, though we convinced her that her story would
serve the best interests of Bruce and his fans, by allowin' the "truth to
come out"....Here's what she had to say.....

"At first, Bruce seemed like a real nice boy, and I was happy that Sherry
was seein' him. We were livin' in Patterson. He'd come around at
night in his car, and Sherry and him would go to the movies or maybe just sneak down the river and watch the submarine races. I tried never to impose on the boy, but once in a while he would pick up my
medicine down at the drug store or run over and pick up some ice cream at Carvells'. He drove a little blue Volkswagen Beetle. It was so cute, and made the cutest little purring sound. ( I furiously scribbled in my notes...Bruce...Beetle..hemi powered drones? all set cobra jets? Signal Hill?? )

Things were fine for weeks, but I guess they began to fall apart right
around the time I lost my job at the textile mill. I went on the dole
and had to get down to the county office and sign for my check
each week. My dogs started actin' up around the same time, corns
and calluses started seepin' an I got a big nasty purple ingrown toe
nail on my left foot. Needless to say, it was a chore just shufflin' to
the bathroom. So I imposed upon Bruce to drive me to get my
check each week. At first he seemed real happy to help me out and we'd ride along...me readin a Harlequin Romance...and Bruce an Sherry singin' doo wop tunes. We couldn't have been a happier group. Sherry had to leave town for a week, my brother, Jeremiah,
had just been let out of the hospital over n Farleystown, and needed
someone to cook and clean for him. She's such a sweet girl, but her
absence put me in a real bind! She would do lil' things for me around
the house, and her bein' away was real inconvenient. So I called Bruce
and asked him if he could stop over on Monday night to help out. He
showed, happy as a lark. He did grumble a little when he found out
I wanted him to clip my toenails and trim my nose hairs. I had a job
interview comin' up and wanted to look my best. Right around that
time he started treatin' me different...and became more and more
impatient with me. He wouldn't even let me prop up my feet between
the front seats n the Beetle anymore. One day one of my corns seeped
on his guitar case.....and he put me out and made me take the subway
home. I really don't know what came over that young man!

I don't harbor any hard feelins' about Bruce. In fact, me an my new
boyfriend, Chester, caught his Little Rock show back in March.
Chester had backstage passes, and Bruce was very nice to me.
So was that nice man...Clarence....who kept starin' at my feet an
winkin' at me! I wish Bruce all the luck in the world. I just wish he
would stop playin' "Prove it all night" and "Two Hearts" so much!!!"

Wayne and I said goodnight to Lucretia, after he clipped her nose
hairs, and I used the power sander on her ingrown nails. She was real appreciative and waved from the trailer doorway as we started down the road. Wayne saved some of the toenails. He thought maybe he can make some money off them on E-Bay. Or maybe advertise them for sale on RMAS....Anyway....we stopped at the mall to pick up Bobby Jean's bowlin' bag....and headed toward Cleveland...where she's part owner of a Polka School...with her husband, Stosh.

ROCK ON!!!

Wayne&Wayne



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