From: wayne&wayne@darlington.com
Subject: A Man's First Woodie!!

Wayne and I had a couple of days to blow, before we were due at the Republican National Convention in Philly, so we decided to head up the Jersey Turnpike to Freehold and the site of our next assignment. We really wanted to stick around in Philly and hang out with the group we were covering, the "Save Greasy Lake" Coalition. The New Jersey Waterways Authority had been given federal money to clean up Greasy Lake, and it seems a group of hard core Bruce fans were not in favor of the cleanup, wanting it to remain in its original greasy, funky condition. They felt it would be a violation of the memories of Crazey Janey, Wild Billy, Hazy Davy and Killer Joe, if the site was violated. And they are preparing to march and show the corporate power mongers that they can't push Bruce fans around!

Reluctantly we headed North, and began our sixty mile journey, ever mindful of our mission "to search out the story behind the music"...Our assignment was to locate and interview Maria Espinosa, of "Friday Night YMCA Canteen" fame, and a lifelong resident of Freehold. We were assured she was a popular and well known figure in the local community, having been responsible for a long line of "first woodies" amongst the male residents of the town. As I silently planned our strategy, Wayne played his new compilation "Prove It All Night-Two Hearts" boot, that he had received that day in the mail. It had out takes of every one of the 197 straight concerts in which Bruce performed the songs. We finally pulled into Freehold, New Jersey and decided our first stop would be the local Catholic Convent, St. Rose of Lima. Where would be a better place to get information on the town "Bad Girl"??

We spent about twenty minutes in the company of Sister Maria Abbacheno, and here's what Sister had to say:
"We, the Sisters, were well aware what was going on between Maria and the boys. She was 13 and thought it was a lot of fun to tease the younger boys with her wordly ways. I personally told all the boys that she was a "near occasion of sin", and on many occasions I would sprinkle holy water on her when she sashayed past the convent! The boys didn't seem to pay me any mind though. She appeared to be a very popular date during those years. She drifted into the convent when she was about 17, saying she wanted to join our order. I talked her out of it, reminding her that she would have to say too many rosaries and sell too many Pagan Babies to make up for her last several sordid years. I really don't know where she ended up. I suggest maybe you try down on Main Street and talk to some of the older residents." We thanked Sister Maria, bought a Pagan Baby, and headed on down town, more determined than ever to track down this flower of womanhood.

Being the seasoned investigators that we are, we decided to try one more place before heading into town. The YMCA Canteen was still open when we arrived, and while Wayne distracted the manager with his renditions of "Rosie", I worked my way into the Men's Room and entered the lone bathrooom stall. There it was!! Just as I thought !! In large black letters, scrawled in magic marker, were the words, "For a Good Time---Call Maria E. 685-1037". It was signed, "The Cozmic Kid"!! Armed with our new-found info, we headed to the nearest pay phone. Within minutes I was talking to Maria Conchita Lizette Espinosa, the rose in the otherwise weed filled bouquets, that are the minds of a generation of Freehold males. It was difficult for me to talk, my mouth was dry, my heart was thumping! Thoughts of Bonnie Bonzarti and sensual acts rewarded with warm beer and promises of undying love, came racing back. I quickly pulled myself together and made plans for us to meet with Maria at 3pm, in the rear pew of St. Rose's Church.

Maria arrived on time, hurrying down the aisle, her face concealed by a black veil pulled in front of it. She was very nervous and talked in hushed tones. She explained that she rarely could come out in daylight anymore. She would be harassed and approached by every male on the street. The women were worse. They had all heard the tales of "Maria" from their husbands, accompanied by the sparkling eyes and grunts of long buried sensuality. "It's depressing", said Maria, "I can't even pass the convent without getting buckets of holy water thrown on me"! I had no sympathy for Maria's plight, explaining to her that I "knew her type" and that every town and neighborhood had a "Maria". She agreed, explaining that she recently had attended an East Coast Convention of the IWW in Baltimore. The " Initial Woodie Women" had been meeting for several years to offer support and counselling for the "formerly popular" "presently villified" good sports of the 60's and early 70's. It was at one of their meetings that she realized the extent of the harm she had caused.

Not mentioning "the Boss" by name, she began to explain why she regretted her actions that night at the Canteen..... Here's what she had to say!

" I can't help but thinking that I was the one who messed him up. He may have turned into a semi normal guy had I not fooled around with him that night at the St. Lima dance. I mean...come on.....did you ever see a guy in your life...with a more dysfunctional attitude toward women? This is a man who won't take a girl to a movie! A big date to him is some warm beer on Scrap Metal Hill !! Did you ever see a guy grow up in a beach town, and NEVER go in the water?? The only time he mentions the beach...is when he talks about Greasers sleeping on it !! Did he ever buy a girl some cotton candy and sit on the boardwalk??? Noooooo......he was too busy on backstreets, in dark areas on the edge of town, sleepin' in abandoned beach houses!! And ya know...he wasn't poor...HE WAS CHEAP!! Wouldnt' even give Sherry's Mom a quarter for the subway when he kicked her out of his car !! A big Saturday night with him was hangin' with factory girls under the boardwalk. Let's tally it up here for a minute. You keep score!! First it was Sandy..he dumped her when she wouldn't "love him tonight"! He got Rosie grounded by disrespectin' her mom and dad !! Did a favor for that shady guy in Atlantic City, leavin' his girl stranded in that motel while he went to jail !! And how bout Terry?? He whines and cries.....Ohhhhh Terry, Remember All the Movies We'd Go See? I talked to Terry !! He took her to one movie, in three years!! Close Encounters of the Third Kind... AT THE DOLLAR THEATRE!! The last straw with her was the night he made out with her in the car with that "Duke Street King" dude, sittin' in the back. She left him quick !! Bobby Jean leaves him...without even sayin' goodbye, when he starts dressin' up in her clothes! Then it's Wendy!! My God, what he didn't do to Wendy!! First of all he tells her she's a tramp !! That went over real big. All Wendy wanted was to get married. Instead he wants to take her on some cross country sexual ritual drive in his old jalopy. And I'm not even gonna mention the relationship he had with Candy!! He wouldn't even pick her up in his car, always insistin' she meet him under Abram's Bridge...At least he took Frankie to the drive in! And Mary!!! the girl from Arkansas??? God, the things he would say to her!! Woman enough for kissing.......Hah!! Then he goes out and hocks Cherrie's radio, and wants another girl to sit in his lap in the electric chair! And the way he treated that poor girl out on Thunder Road!! What was her name again? Mary? First he tells her that she's no beauty, she's allright!! and he don't mind that! Then he tries to entice her into his car for a ride, and makes her sit in the back!!! He charges her for the ride, criticizes her choice of graduation gowns and makes fun of her insomnia....Ya know, I often think, maybe if I hadn't fooled around with him.....he would have stayed with them wolfman fairies or them boys in the spiked heels. And we all may have been better off!!

At this point Maria begged her leave of us, explaining that the "walking tour" of Freehold passes her apartment every two hours. She had to hurry home, as she has a sidewalk t-shirt stand there and sells Bruce shirts to the tourists. She showed us a couple samples, and we especially liked the "You might have him now, But I had him first" shirt. She rushed from the church, and left us with our thoughts. We spoke in muted whispers of days gone by, unrequited love, empty promises and woodies. We agreed that only woodies withstood the test of time. Reluctantly ending our "male moment", we decided to head on out of Freehold and stopped at this Turnpike Rest Area to file this report. Wayne just spent a hundred dollars on little ceramic "Jersey Devils", and I am desperately trying to think of what I did with Bonnie Bonzarti's phone number. We headed back down the Turnpike to Philly, and our date with George Dubbayew.......and the Greasy Lake Coalition.

Until then!!
ROCK ON!!!

Wayne&Wayne



To Comment on Wayne&Wayne's Day With Maria.......

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